Characteristic of the lifestyle of a Christian is imperfect pursuit of Christ. The propensity to sin is present in us all. At times, that can be frustrating. Our desire to trust and rely on God can get drowned out when uncertainty comes our way. We can purpose in our hearts to be more consistent in godly habits, but can find ourselves leaning back toward familiar behaviors. Life can bring big events that sway our hearts, but other times, monotony and routine can give way to complacency. We fail to be ever vigilant as commanded.
Be sober-minded, be alert. Your adversary the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world. 1 Peter 5:8-9
We can also fail to simply do what we know we should. It is more noticeable when the struggles are greater and the falls are harder, but the tension is ever-present. It is hard to live a life of total surrender. While we are being transformed into the image of Christ, no one will see the completion of that transformation here and now.
For I do not understand what I am doing, because I do not practice what I want to do, but I do what I hate. Now if I do what I do not want to do, I agree with the law that it is good. So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do. Now if I do what I do not want, I am no longer the one that does it, but it is the sin that lives in me. Romans 7:15-20
I used to believe that I was alone in my stumbling and faltering. Analyzing others and their daily journeys of sanctification left me feeling like a subpar Christian. Others would say they were struggling with patience or forgiveness, things I deemed small sins or imperfections. All the while, I knew my heart’s deep, dark secrets. The battle I faced with lust seemed so much dirtier. My constant struggle with an eating disorder seemed so much darker. I felt out of place among those I saw as holier than myself. I clung to the life and Biblical account of King David. Desperately, I wanted to believe if an adulterous murderer could be called a man after God’s heart, maybe I could be accepted as well. My heart was bogged down by comparison, and I couldn’t quite embrace that truth.
There is no easy way out of that snare, but the Bible offers a remedy. It calls us out and beckons us to come clean. From the first sin committed, the response to sin has been to hide and cover-up. In Genesis 3:8 the Scripture tells us of Adam’s and Eve’s actions after disobeying God. We use this deflection or withdrawal to cover ourselves as well. The desire to draw our wrongdoings inward, shielding them from the sight of God and others, is a core part of our sinful nature.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, ] and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. So the Lord God called out to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.” Genesis 8:8-10
The trap of striving for righteousness, comparing ourselves with others, and fearing rejection grips tightly. It threatens to rip away pieces of our identity if we try to escape. Who we appear to be might be lost, and our reputations might be tainted. The lies we use to cover up our secrets and sins will have to fall away. We will be exposed for who we really are. Surrendering to God includes laying down our identity and picking up Christ’s. It includes abandoning our striving to walk out the Word in perfection. We can’t. In our inability, in our stumbling, and in our faltering, rests the potency and power of Christ’s sacrifice.
The one who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy. Happy is the one who is always reverent, but one who hardens his heart falls into trouble. Proverbs 28:13-14
We must ask ourselves whether we hate our sin and hate the revelation of it. Are we willing to let it come to light, to live in the consistent and humble knowledge that there is nothing good in us except Christ? David declares, in Psalm 16:2, “I say to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you.’” Recognizing the hopelessness of our sinfulness, we lead us to greater reverence and delight in Christ. He is the Lord of our Salvation. Christ is the Rescuer and Delivery. It is the subject of those statements that needs to be seen and surrendered. He saves us from our sin nature and the resulting penalty of death. He rescues and delivers us from our unavoidable separation from God due to our sin, over which we have no control; the law proved that to be true.
Our imperfections and broken surrender become less discouraging when we realize that even if our “big ticket” sins are gone, we are still sinful and wicked. God’s grace isn’t to pacify our shame, but to eradicate our pride and bring us to the foot of the cross. It points to His perfection; it doesn’t produce ours; at least not in this lifetime. There will be transformation and victories over sin – both small and large, because God promises it. However, the Bible doesn’t say God’s love is shown in His willingness to put up with us as we get our acts together. “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us ().” He loves us, knowing we will never get it together on our own.
But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. How much more then, since we have now been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from wrath. For if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, then how much more, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. And not only that, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received this reconciliation. Romans 5:8-11
This call to live in the grace of God is not one that ignores the condition of our hearts. It should lead us to the place where we are so enamored with God’s love we don’t fear seeing our own wickedness and to submit it to Him. It’s a place where hating our sin no longer means hating ourselves. As upside-down as it seems, through the humility of embracing our imperfections, we can find perfect surrender.
Or do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? Because of your hardened and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath, when God’s righteous judgment is revealed. Romans 2:4-5
Don’t let condemnation shift your focus from God’s love and power to transform you to your inability to overcome your weaknesses. Allow conviction lift you up and be the catalyst to confess your sins. An admission that you are struggling to accept or apply Truth is the first step toward freedom. Acknowledging that your fight against sin is still raging is the beginning of an acknowledgment that you are in desperate need of Christ. You haven’t and won’t outgrow the need for His sacrifice.
The prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up; if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect. James 5:15-16
